Feeling like shit.

Feeling damn messed up.

you really want to be there for her but you cant.

only you yourself understands this, nobody else.

there are bound to be things which would happen in the future which you definitely need to be there for her and she needs it, but currently she does not need you at all.

you need to start from ground zero, boy. prove your worth to her.

Feeling useless tonight.

Face the truth, you are a useless person.

Your parents will leave you one day.

Your girlfriend too.

You better start to buck up or you will regret everything you have before you now.

You know that when you really love the person, you would do anything for her and you would not expect anything in return. Not even her love.

I finally understand this:)

Is there really no one out there who love or accept me for who I am?

They say that you see the person true colours when you are in a difficult situation or in need of great help or support.

Things like "you shouldnt have followed me because you are of no help"

It already hurts that your loved ones just smile and laugh upon the first moment when they saw you when the first question should be "are you feeling alright?"

And she continues to say that sentence.

Nobody will appreciate and understand your effort.

Whats your worth in life?

Feel like taking a deep sleep and reliving the past again.

Hurts so much that you are loving the person so much but you don feel the same way from her.

All I want was just a simple conversation. Is it so difficult?

You are just so eager to see her and you accidentally say things out of excitement but she says you put words in her mouth.

Blame it on yourself for thinking too much. She doesnt want to see you at all.

I am just a person everybody thinks last. I am always available to my loved ones but it seems like I am always last on their mind.

I know she expects something else from me. To step up to be the boyfriend she wants me to be.

I can cross my heart and tell her that it is happening every second, I am learning new things along the way. For those experiences and knowledge not learnt in the past, I am willing to pick it up twice as fast to catch up.

Sadly, time doesnt permit and I knew this day would come.

I am really lost and depressed now.

She is my most beloved girl.

Blogger, can you advise me what to do?

Really don want it to end up like last time. But it seems to me that it is heading towards that direction.

She is the only thing on my mind now. But how come it seems like I always fail to bring the message across?

When the person is the only thing on your mind, you would care about her everything. Her dog, her parents, her relatives & friends etc.

I do care about all of them. I notice their behaviour and her behaviour when they are all at the same place. Notice how she smiles, laugh, communicate and everything.

I really want to tell her that even though I don't really talk much, I really enjoy the moment at that point in time. Cuz you never know what may happen the next time. I am really happy when she is happy.

Alone tonight.

Don know how long it will last.

Guess nobody will ever read this post. So its just me and you blogger.

Thanks for giving me an avenue to share my thoughts and feelings.

I know its been years since I last type something here but nonetheless I really still appreciate you for being here for me.

I really could use a shoulder to lie on right now. Many questions on my mind and I hope somebody could guide me to the answer.

Am I really a useless guy? How come I fail in everything?